amour propre

Mum Dad,this one's for you.:')

first and foremost,i would like to say thank you for everything.i know i took you guys for granted all these time.i never thought i would be missing you guys so much.back when i was still at home,few weeks before i left Keningau,i thought of being far away from you both was not a big deal.but then when you guys left me here,realization strikes me as i realize that this is for real,i will be far away from you both.back at home,i always spent my time in my room doing my own things,played guitar,read novels or wasted my times in front of my laptop.i never bother to talk to you guys whenever you guys were at home.its not that i wanted to ignored both of you,but its because i thought that someday all of that will never changed.right now while i'm sitting here in my room,i think about all those times that i should've spent more times with you guys.because right now,i can't do that,not anymore. Mum dad,i know you guys were so exhausted when you helped me carried all my suitcases and bags to the airport and all,and you guys were willing to sacrifice yourself and came all the way here to help me register at this university.thank you for everything:'( i'm sorry if i was being a crybaby when i texted you guys that i wanted to go home on first and second day of orientation.i was so afraid when both of you left me here,because i have no one here.when i watched you guys left,i wanted to run to both of you and go home with you guys.i wanted to call you guys countless times before but i didn't because i know i will cry hearing your voices .Dad,i'm sorry because when you called me last time,i hang up too soon ,i can't bring myself to talk to you longer because i wanted to cry.i'm sorry mum and dad for not calling you guys all the time,i'm trying to avoid from letting you know that i am still not strong enough,i still cry every night thinking of both of you.whenever both of you called,i would want to start crying,notice why i took a long time to answer?its because i tried to calm myself down ,i told myself not to cry and when i feel like i can hold back my tears,only then i will pick up your calls.

Dad,thank you for all those advises you gave me,for pushing me to be a better person,you fed me up with lots of motivational words.and you told me to never say that i can't.when you called me and you said that you missed talking to me,i broke down in tears.i want both of you to know that i love you guys :'( 

i want to make both of you proud of me, i need to be strong,i need to stop crying and i need to always tell myself  to never say i can't :') thank you mum and dad.when i was being exposed to all those that i consider as new experience for me,i wanted to give up. i kept telling you i wanted to go home but you guys told me not to and i was upset because i thought that both of you don't understand my feelings and didn't cared at all.but now,i understand why :) 

this one's for both of you,mum dad.i love you :) this song really made me cry :')