yes,I am embracing it.

We are inclined to look for logic and reason in all things that happened in our life.We are inclined to believe that there is an explanation for every single thing that happens, an explanation that is grounded in tangible reality.What I want to tell you now is that there are some occurrences that can't be explained the way we want it. Things like why people slowly grow apart , why we sometimes can feel so sad even though nothing seems to have provoked such emotions, or why late nights seem to be the only moment when people are most vulnerable to the very same thoughts that run through their minds during the day.Then we begin to realize that some things just occur without any sufficient reasoning,but we still want to find sound logic behind what happens in our life. Why? Because you need stability,stability which you can only find through reason.

When I am overwhelmed with pressure,I tend to feel destructive. And I often wonder why is it that we don't have the ability to just switch from being sad to happy in just a blink of an eye. I mean,we have control over our own emotions,am I right? You see,as I grow up, I learnt that some things are meant to be unexplainable,that the reason behind what happened,we couldn't fathom the reason why. Things happened,and I am slowly getting used to it. It's like my body has finally told myself to just accept everything that are meant to happen to me. 

These things are supposed to happen,and you need to accept that. These things that has crushed you to pieces,let me tell you this, those are the things that are already written and are happening to you because it is yours to take it. Yes,it may be difficult,you may get hurt,and you need to learn to accept it. 

The other day,I was so depressed. I've been trying to keep myself together for the past couple of weeks,but that night I lost it. I felt like I was being crushed by myself. I was feeling down and low. I was feeling destructive. I felt all of these negativity. I wanted to self harm,I wanted to get wasted.I asked myself,why is this happening to me. I felt so so so alone and I felt abandoned. 

One thing that I realize is that,instead of figuring out the reason,it is so much easier if you just talk to someone who cares about you. It's simple as that. You don't have to fix what has happened,you need to fix yourself. When I was depressed ,I used to shut people out of my life. 

That night,all I ever wanted was to talk to someone. 

And I did. 

I have always loved him,and as soon as he started listening to all of my thoughts ,I felt better. I felt love and care, that I gave and that I received in amazing and wonderful proportions.

 I feel like I am learning, I am learning to give the best of myself and the love I have in my heart, not even asking for anything in return. And I’m learning to find my light and my hope into giving my love and tenderness to someone I deeply and intensely love. And it feels to me like something simple, healthy and stripped out of any complexity. There is just this vibrant energy, stripped out of every clichés or cultural reflexes.

And for my prize, it happens I also receive amounts of love, tenderness and care in huge proportions too. I never thought I could feel it this way, I could never have hoped for this since I didn't even imagined this possible. But that’s what’s inside my chest now and what keeps my heart warm.

 And I am learning to embrace it.

Sometimes,you don't have to fix anything that has happened. Those things are supposed to happen to you. All you have to do is fix yourself.