Day 595th:

Today consisted of my reflection on this. I've come to realize that I have loved many times in my lifetime,in many different ways, at many different speeds,but never have I planned on stop loving especially when someone belonged entirely to me. I wanted you to love me the way I loved you, but I don't feel like you belong to me.Yes,you belonged to the journey,to the experience,but not to my soul.I've loved a man who I would choose over and over again,you. That night when we talked about things that mattered,as I watched your eyes soften, my tough outer shell explode into dust in the air.But you were never mine to keep,legally still bond to a commitment I can't even fathom. You loved a woman who made it known she was a list of medical problems. You shrugged it off as a minor thing thinking that you could handle what the universe throws, thinking you could hold me through all your pain, save me from things doctors can’t even explain.I never belonged to you, I belonged to my sickness, to my cancer. But it was a privilege to know someone like you. Someone who's mind was strong and soul was free. How your hands felt good wrapped around my neck and I have always loved watching you lead a life with structure.I never belonged to you, because I only ever belonged to myself.I’ve loved  before, trying to reach something I’ve always yearned for, trying to love someone hard enough to the point of belonging.I try to fool myself into thinking I belong solely to me, but I know those are lies I try to believe to gear up for another shot at love.I’ve loved something that does not belonged entirely to me.Maybe it’s time I belong to myself before anyone can belong to me. It's okay,I have lifted that burden off from your shoulder,you won't have to get hurt anymore. Our path crossed ,that I will forever be grateful for. It was nice while it lasted,but like I said,I never belonged to anyone.