Happy.

Hello hello whoever you are.

These days things are just real dull,well it has been for days but i guess it's simply duller .Counting the days,well,i suppose ten days of holiday had passed.It's almost the end of October and i have another one month of holiday left to be waste on.

I woke up every morning with the same routine but i am absolutely fine with it because i just love doing stuffs around the house.It keeps me busy and it keeps me away from all the thoughts of being alone in the house since i am the only occupants in this house every morning because mum and dad goes to work and my siblings goes to school.I am officially a maid in my own house,well i kinda like this job.

My parents let me drive and go anywhere i want ,i am free to do anything i want ,but i don't go to places like clubs and i don't do immoral things.My parents trusted me in this and i won't break that trust because i wasn't born to do such things and i was raised well by my parents and they taught me well. 

Apart from that i spent my time reading novel,The Fifty Shades Trilogy ohhhhh Christian Grey.Okay stop it Lydiana,Christian is not yours. I also read some motivational books to boost my self esteem,because to survive in this cruel society,we must be able to fully motivate ourselves and survive each day and just get out alive.

Moving on,i watched several horror movies.You know, those movies that has ghosts,vampires,monsters,creatures, werewolves,bloods and killings.I love those shits. I did go for a jog around the house at evening and it is fun,thus it shall be my new hobby. At night,i would be in my room learning songs on the guitar or go on the internet or just open my window and stared out at the sky.

Anyways,every night i would fall asleep listening to hardcore music,you know those music like "Testament-True American Hate",now that's my thing. Those "noises" are my lullaby.Somehow i questioned my gender because i do have some reasons why i think i fail at being a girl.I played games and scream like boys does,I listened to hardcore music,I prefer sneakers instead of heels,I don't wear skirts,I laugh like a giant,I talk harsh language,and i don't have feelings for love. 

Talking about love.I did mentioned in my previous post about my old stuffs .I mentioned that i have issues on letting go of the past.Those old stuffs symbolizes my past.My horrible past.And guess what creatures? I threw it all away.

Last few days,i sat in my room and stared at these stuffs for hours,literally.Memories flashed before my eyes.I was overwhelmed with anger, frustration and devastation.I was about to cry ,I was about to scream and hit myself,I was about to question myself about did i made the right decision by leaving him. There were voices around my heads though it was a silent night,it was 2am that night.But the strongest voices and the loudest voices which urged me to let go of the past and just throw away all those stuffs manipulate my mind into thinking that i have made the right choice.Instantly,the voice that asked me to go back to him and fix everything fades right away.

I am a better and undeniably a much happier person.People around me noticed this and i am truly blessed to have this life.

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I was offered the SPA's course  for either Nursing,Medical Assistant or Medical Laboratory Technologists but i rejected that offer.No thank you,but i am in love with learning Law at the moment.

Frankly speaking,at a very young age,i never been a person who are interested in learning Law.If you did read my posts on last year,when i was 16,they asked me what i want to do when i grow up,what i want to be.I never have an answer to that because i don't even know what i wanted to be. I managed to get into Science Stream class in my high school after i obtained straight A's for my PMR exam when i was 15 .I learned about Biology,Physics and Chemistry.But,i never fell in love learning those subjects.

I was in a complete confusion when i was being asked to fill in the application form for universities.Dad came and told me "Why don't you apply for Law course instead?" since i was not into science thingy.I trusted my dad on this ,and I knew God has a plan for me for my future even though back then,i didn't know what my future holds and i was afraid of making a wrong decision. 

I applied for the Law course and with my senior year exam result's of 6A's ,I was accepted by one of the top university in Malaysia.I took the risk of travelling hundred of miles to Peninsular Malaysia,far away from my homeland,Sabah.I took the challenge and i became a Law student.I never would've thought i will fall in love with learning Law.Because back then,i was a person with absolutely no knowledge on the Government and Politics in Malaysia,and i even disobey school's rules most of the time.I eventually fell in love with it and it makes me craving for more and more for knowledge . I was being exposed to the real world,the way how the government works and i was being taught about human's rights.

And in a way,the decision that i made and the risk that i took made me a better person.I am a more disciplined ,independent and a person who simply appreciates life.I am able to differentiate between right and wrong.I am preparing myself to be your future Lawyer,and amen to that.But of course,i need to study hard in order to pursue my biggest dream.

I never should've worried about my future back then,because clearly,God has everything under control and i believe in Him.

I have a great life,much better than most of the people out there and i am truly blessed.

God,family,friends and myself are my true happiness.