This is my story.
I was no longer a school student.Finished my senior year at the end of 2011.
On January,I applied for a job as an assistant in my friend's boutique.Had a 3-weeks job experience.It has been a great experience
I was awarded with my driving license though i had been a really careless driver,got into small accident,twice.Sorry about the car,daddy.
On March 2012,I received my SPM result,excellent.Only God knows how happy i was when i looked at my result and i am truly grateful for everything.I could say that i already got a ticket to further my study in university.
Before my university's life,I was forced to choose between three choices ,man it was hard.Made my final decision and i knew the one that i choose is the most challenging out of those three options."This is it,you have your final answer,now go for it" ,I told myself,I took the challenge and that was when it all started.I spent the next few weeks to prepare myself for that,"I'm leaving",I whispered to myself.I packed all of my stuffs,denied all those insecure feelings about my decision because i was too afraid of having second thoughts.I left my hometown,my family,my home,my friends and everything behind.I cried almost every night before i left my home.The night before i left my home,I sat there in my room,looked at my packed luggage,and realization hit me as my tears fell.I was not ready for it but i have to do it.
The next morning,I woke up and dragged myself out of my bed,got ready and make sure i brought along everything.I sat down with mum and dad and they talked and talked as i sat there silently.I remembered all of their advises.And i know how worried they were about letting me go,worried that i'll go out there and couldn't take care of myself .I remembered i ran into my room and there,in front of my mother,i broke down in tears.I kept telling her that I am too afraid to go out there,to face a new world,to face everything on my own.I remembered how she looked me in the eyes and smiled and giggled a little bit,i know she was trying to cheer me up and i could clearly see her sorrow in her eyes.when it was time to leave,I looked at my little sister and brother and i hugged them so tight,i knew i'll be going through the next few days or months without them and their laughter.They had always been my best friends,we are so close.As i let go of them,I held back my tears,unable to let them watched their big sister cried after hugging them.I take a last look at my home and slowly i walked away.
Throughout the journey,i experienced a lot.Mixed feelings never left me,they overwhelmed me every second I move forward and further away from where i belong.A part of me told me to just go for it,but a part of me wanted to run back to home.
Arrived at my destination,i registered and from that day onward,I am officially a university's student.When it was time for my parents to leave me here and go back home,I wanted to scream I wanted to go home.I was crying,imagining the worst thing that can happen.I hugged my mum and dad and I looked away as my tears were about to fall.I let go of them and ran away to my hostel room and sat there silently in the dark corner and cried.If i am being given a chance to go back,I would hugged both of them and just cry in their arms.Why the hell did I ran away?Why the hell I didn't give myself more time to be with them? Why the hell I didnt give myself more time to say those words that i have been wanting to tell them? That I love them .Why the hell I didnt give myself just a little time to say thank you for all their sacrifices,for sending me here and did all they can to ensure that their daughter can have a good education and a bright future?Instead,i hugged and just said "Bye".I just don't want them to fret too much.I don't want them to feel that i can't do this.
My orientation week was a pain in the ass and i was so close to giving up.I was placed among those who were different from me,and had some trouble communicating with them due to different slang. I've encountered a small number of mean girls and faced a few days being bullied until i came to a point of wanting to go home.I was alone and weak,depressed and didn't know how to fit in with these new people and new environment.I don't have anyone that i know out there,I was alone.Anywhere i walked,i couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone.Those girls kept taunting me ,mocking me with all those harsh words.
Maybe it's because i come from Sabah,they use this as a reason for them to make fun of me.I was unable to do anything,unable to fight back because i was fighting back with my own feelings of wanting to go home,i had my own concerns to deal with.Told myself to be strong and ignore what they said.But it hurts me to bits when i came into the room and they gathered together and whispered about something something which i don't understand at all,and they laughed,right there,in front of me.Imagine i have to go through days being bullied by them.This one girl talked about how rich she is,how great her life is.If only she knows all of that would not last long and God will take away everything away from her,anytime.I still remember her name,her face,and those words that came out from her malicious mouth,each one were like knife stabbing trough my heart.
The orientation week was dreadful.i woke up everyday at 4 in the morning and slept everyday at 2 in the morning.oh yes I was mentally and physically exhausted.To deal with this exhaustion,pressure,missing my family and mentally tortured by people was too much.I realized how much i miss my parents when I was far away from them.I remembered,every night before i sleep,I whispered to myself that i have to be strong and survive the next day .
On my fourth day,I met a few Borneo friends and we got along well,that was when i realized that i was not alone ,i was not the only one that came from Sabah.I found my happiness being with them and spent the last three days of orientation weeks with them.I made some wonderful friends and these people are great.I survived my orientation week ,with painful and unforgettable memories.
Class started and as each day goes by,I learnt how to be strong,to be independent,to be able to trick my mind into thinking that I can do this.I met lots of new people and tried to be friendly.I made some great friends and slowly adapting myself to this new environment.I learnt how to take care of myself,I learnt the value of money,I learnt a lot,yes i said that.I've encountered bittersweet experiences along the way.Apart from that,I learnt to keep my distance from people who aren't worth my time,those who kept bringing me down.I surround myself with people who I can call as my real friends.I learnt how to talk to people,to crawl out of my shell because I've always been sort of a shy person.I learnt how to have fun,in a good way.I learnt how hard it is to study but i kept giving my effort in doing it.And with the blessing from God,I obtained a much satisfying grade pointer in my semester one here.I am grateful,couldn't ask for more.Above all,i realized that what keeps me going is my parents.I want them to be proud of me and this is a way for me to thank them for everything they did for me.
I am glad because i choose to step out of my comfort zone and go out and see the world outside.At a very young age,I am able to learn a lot of things.I am glad i made the right choice of coming here.There are no regrets ,at all.My 2012 has been a hell of a ride.It will forever be in my mind and heart as well.
The next morning,I woke up and dragged myself out of my bed,got ready and make sure i brought along everything.I sat down with mum and dad and they talked and talked as i sat there silently.I remembered all of their advises.And i know how worried they were about letting me go,worried that i'll go out there and couldn't take care of myself .I remembered i ran into my room and there,in front of my mother,i broke down in tears.I kept telling her that I am too afraid to go out there,to face a new world,to face everything on my own.I remembered how she looked me in the eyes and smiled and giggled a little bit,i know she was trying to cheer me up and i could clearly see her sorrow in her eyes.when it was time to leave,I looked at my little sister and brother and i hugged them so tight,i knew i'll be going through the next few days or months without them and their laughter.They had always been my best friends,we are so close.As i let go of them,I held back my tears,unable to let them watched their big sister cried after hugging them.I take a last look at my home and slowly i walked away.
Throughout the journey,i experienced a lot.Mixed feelings never left me,they overwhelmed me every second I move forward and further away from where i belong.A part of me told me to just go for it,but a part of me wanted to run back to home.
Arrived at my destination,i registered and from that day onward,I am officially a university's student.When it was time for my parents to leave me here and go back home,I wanted to scream I wanted to go home.I was crying,imagining the worst thing that can happen.I hugged my mum and dad and I looked away as my tears were about to fall.I let go of them and ran away to my hostel room and sat there silently in the dark corner and cried.If i am being given a chance to go back,I would hugged both of them and just cry in their arms.Why the hell did I ran away?Why the hell I didn't give myself more time to be with them? Why the hell I didnt give myself more time to say those words that i have been wanting to tell them? That I love them .Why the hell I didnt give myself just a little time to say thank you for all their sacrifices,for sending me here and did all they can to ensure that their daughter can have a good education and a bright future?Instead,i hugged and just said "Bye".I just don't want them to fret too much.I don't want them to feel that i can't do this.
My orientation week was a pain in the ass and i was so close to giving up.I was placed among those who were different from me,and had some trouble communicating with them due to different slang. I've encountered a small number of mean girls and faced a few days being bullied until i came to a point of wanting to go home.I was alone and weak,depressed and didn't know how to fit in with these new people and new environment.I don't have anyone that i know out there,I was alone.Anywhere i walked,i couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone.Those girls kept taunting me ,mocking me with all those harsh words.
Maybe it's because i come from Sabah,they use this as a reason for them to make fun of me.I was unable to do anything,unable to fight back because i was fighting back with my own feelings of wanting to go home,i had my own concerns to deal with.Told myself to be strong and ignore what they said.But it hurts me to bits when i came into the room and they gathered together and whispered about something something which i don't understand at all,and they laughed,right there,in front of me.Imagine i have to go through days being bullied by them.This one girl talked about how rich she is,how great her life is.If only she knows all of that would not last long and God will take away everything away from her,anytime.I still remember her name,her face,and those words that came out from her malicious mouth,each one were like knife stabbing trough my heart.
The orientation week was dreadful.i woke up everyday at 4 in the morning and slept everyday at 2 in the morning.oh yes I was mentally and physically exhausted.To deal with this exhaustion,pressure,missing my family and mentally tortured by people was too much.I realized how much i miss my parents when I was far away from them.I remembered,every night before i sleep,I whispered to myself that i have to be strong and survive the next day .
On my fourth day,I met a few Borneo friends and we got along well,that was when i realized that i was not alone ,i was not the only one that came from Sabah.I found my happiness being with them and spent the last three days of orientation weeks with them.I made some wonderful friends and these people are great.I survived my orientation week ,with painful and unforgettable memories.
Class started and as each day goes by,I learnt how to be strong,to be independent,to be able to trick my mind into thinking that I can do this.I met lots of new people and tried to be friendly.I made some great friends and slowly adapting myself to this new environment.I learnt how to take care of myself,I learnt the value of money,I learnt a lot,yes i said that.I've encountered bittersweet experiences along the way.Apart from that,I learnt to keep my distance from people who aren't worth my time,those who kept bringing me down.I surround myself with people who I can call as my real friends.I learnt how to talk to people,to crawl out of my shell because I've always been sort of a shy person.I learnt how to have fun,in a good way.I learnt how hard it is to study but i kept giving my effort in doing it.And with the blessing from God,I obtained a much satisfying grade pointer in my semester one here.I am grateful,couldn't ask for more.Above all,i realized that what keeps me going is my parents.I want them to be proud of me and this is a way for me to thank them for everything they did for me.
I am glad because i choose to step out of my comfort zone and go out and see the world outside.At a very young age,I am able to learn a lot of things.I am glad i made the right choice of coming here.There are no regrets ,at all.My 2012 has been a hell of a ride.It will forever be in my mind and heart as well.
The first photo up there was at early 2012.From a young girl who didn't know anything at all to this young woman,independent and strong.That's what 2012 did to me.
End of story.
HELLO 2013.
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