this might be the last entry.My blog will be on hiatus for a month,i suppose. My semester two final exam is just around the corner.The frantic part is I still have a lot of stuffs to do apart from focusing in my studies,and I should probably start freaking out. My semester one result,I was almost there,almost ,but I didn't try hard enough.If only I had given an additional of ten percent,I would have put that smile on mom and dad's face,but never mind,its okay. At least,I am still grateful for it. This semester started out quite difficult,I must say.Since I am now living in a house with a few friends,I couldn't really have my own privacy.I have always been a person who opt for some alone time when it comes to studying. There were some times I wished I could just run away . The recent one week holiday was lovely. I spent it with my loved one ,just what I needed,an escape from the hectic and stressful weeks I endured before the holiday started.Apart from that,I managed to do my own revision on all the subjects and I have another three weeks left for me to start doing the past year questions.I have to say that my one week holiday was productive after all. Moving on, I miss my parents .God knows how difficult it was for me to battle with my own feelings. Now these updates comes with a heavy heart,I am actually not in a mood to be writing nonsense. To be quite honest,I can't seem to figure out what I want to write. Let's see,what should I write about this time ey?
Here goes.Recently,someone asked me " Have you ever wondered why you exist." And he went on telling me all these possibilities,convincing me to look at it differently,to compare this and that. I was puzzled but amazed. And I started doing a bit of thinking lately.I stayed up late trying to figure out everything. Then I come out with my own answer. I never really questioned myself why I exist until he asked me and it hit me. I figured many people feared of existing.Not that they don't want to exist.But more to afraid of assuring their existence actually makes an impact to other people's life. We never really questioned our existence ,the question only comes to you when you are completely in a state where you fail to provide an assurance that other people need you in their life. Somehow you begin to question yourself,what if you never exist,would this person's life be any different than it is now? For instance,ask yourself,what if you never exist,how would your family be now? Yes ,you may feel conflicted at the moment.You are sick of the fact that every obstacles you encounter makes you question your whole existence.You secretly asked yourself,why do you even exist.It feels like if you never exist things would not be any different.Now babe, how is that existential crisis coming along,may I ask?Now now sweetheart,let me take you back to when you were a child. Remember that one time ,when people asked you " what do you want to be when you grow up?" You smirked . You immediately gave away your answer,looking around at the adults in your world to find examples of possible answers to that question. A message behind that question is,these are your choices and choosing the right one will bring you happiness. We immediately have this belief that our future happiness will depend on what we decide to be when we grow up. Therefore we looked around at every other people who has made their choice and stuck with it for the rest of their life.We try to avoid making choices which you know would ended up terribly.You looked at all these people who are struggling ,always stressing out and never have a time off and you don't want that.As a kid,you never understand the meaning of real struggles in life. Welcome to the real world,kiddo.Reality as you know it,provides us with limited choices.The limits are based on the choices available to us within our immediate environment.Our goals and aspirations are operating behind curtains and silently directing our lives.As you navigate through life,you find it hard to face reality as it is,because when you were a child,you thought it would be easy to be what you want to be.And as obstacles comes along,you learn to provide yourself with an answer that you will never be good enough and you starts to question your whole existence.What brings to this is the high expectation you had as a kid.Now that you are an adult ,you have to throw away all your childhood fantasy .You have to start accepting life as it is.You have to start believing that nothing will ever be alright if you don't stop saying you are alive for no reason.One thing that I have to remind you is that,to never let anyone validate your existence.We are always looking for something, frantically seeking happiness in many ways, and totally missing out the joy of just being here,being alive and existing.Why not just relax and be here, simply existing in your body? Don't let yourself descend from your lofty preoccupations and simply land where you are.You'll be very surprised to value your own existence rather than being all messed up trying to prove to yourself that you are not needed .You exist,there are a lot of people out there who would thank God because you exist.
So just freaking live,silly.
Here goes.Recently,someone asked me " Have you ever wondered why you exist." And he went on telling me all these possibilities,convincing me to look at it differently,to compare this and that. I was puzzled but amazed. And I started doing a bit of thinking lately.I stayed up late trying to figure out everything. Then I come out with my own answer. I never really questioned myself why I exist until he asked me and it hit me. I figured many people feared of existing.Not that they don't want to exist.But more to afraid of assuring their existence actually makes an impact to other people's life. We never really questioned our existence ,the question only comes to you when you are completely in a state where you fail to provide an assurance that other people need you in their life. Somehow you begin to question yourself,what if you never exist,would this person's life be any different than it is now? For instance,ask yourself,what if you never exist,how would your family be now? Yes ,you may feel conflicted at the moment.You are sick of the fact that every obstacles you encounter makes you question your whole existence.You secretly asked yourself,why do you even exist.It feels like if you never exist things would not be any different.Now babe, how is that existential crisis coming along,may I ask?Now now sweetheart,let me take you back to when you were a child. Remember that one time ,when people asked you " what do you want to be when you grow up?" You smirked . You immediately gave away your answer,looking around at the adults in your world to find examples of possible answers to that question. A message behind that question is,these are your choices and choosing the right one will bring you happiness. We immediately have this belief that our future happiness will depend on what we decide to be when we grow up. Therefore we looked around at every other people who has made their choice and stuck with it for the rest of their life.We try to avoid making choices which you know would ended up terribly.You looked at all these people who are struggling ,always stressing out and never have a time off and you don't want that.As a kid,you never understand the meaning of real struggles in life. Welcome to the real world,kiddo.Reality as you know it,provides us with limited choices.The limits are based on the choices available to us within our immediate environment.Our goals and aspirations are operating behind curtains and silently directing our lives.As you navigate through life,you find it hard to face reality as it is,because when you were a child,you thought it would be easy to be what you want to be.And as obstacles comes along,you learn to provide yourself with an answer that you will never be good enough and you starts to question your whole existence.What brings to this is the high expectation you had as a kid.Now that you are an adult ,you have to throw away all your childhood fantasy .You have to start accepting life as it is.You have to start believing that nothing will ever be alright if you don't stop saying you are alive for no reason.One thing that I have to remind you is that,to never let anyone validate your existence.We are always looking for something, frantically seeking happiness in many ways, and totally missing out the joy of just being here,being alive and existing.Why not just relax and be here, simply existing in your body? Don't let yourself descend from your lofty preoccupations and simply land where you are.You'll be very surprised to value your own existence rather than being all messed up trying to prove to yourself that you are not needed .You exist,there are a lot of people out there who would thank God because you exist.
So just freaking live,silly.
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