shattered.

Do you ever had that day when you are so jaded you broke down and cried.Have you ever had those days when you wake up,reluctantly drag yourself out of the bed and you feel so lifeless.Those days when you refuse to have any human interactions.You don't want to be involve .Those days when you feel so empty in the midst of a crowd.Those dead moments when your mind is drifting away,oblivious to your surroundings. Those moments when no matter how hard you tried,you just can't fathom the reason why you are so sad. You see, throughout my whole life,I have never been this disappointed ,I have never felt this upset before.Everything is not right,and why is that? Why is it that as you grow up,you are slowly being shoved underground? An emotional wreck,I am.Pardon me but I believe everyone else at one point in their life,will feel helpless as well.Sitting here,in this big old library,at the corner surrounded by book shelves,I feel empty. Lately,I've been overwhelmed with various kinds of  feelings. I forgot how it feels to be happy. They said be happy,but they are not the one who are wearing my shoes.Now,I have something to tell,to be honest,the ones who promised to stick with you through it all are the ones who left when you need them.When those people who are close to you abandoned you,you seek comfort from the one who you love so dearly. But he's not there.It hits me out of nowhere,all of a sudden,this overwhelming realization rushes over me,harsh truth ,he's not there.I know I cry a lot,and for so many things and reasons. I get upset and cry even over the smallest thing,and stupid things too.But lately ,what I've been crying most is because of people around me. One after another,with different kinds of pressure they put unto me,I can't,I am exhausted.I have a number of people who I love to be with most of the time,I thought I know them so well that I never actually think they are behind the trigger ,and then they surprise me,bloodshot right through my face. How sad it is for that certain someone who promised to be there for you,telling you that if you need anything they will be there,but no.How disappointing it is when you have this long lists of stories to tell them,hoping they would listen,like what they promised in the first place,but they only responded "okay". Have you ever felt betrayed? Betrayal as in,you did everything for this one person,you wanted to make them happy in every possible way,all you ever want is just for them to stay,for a little while,but they never want to move even an ant hill when you moved a mountain for them.Maybe it don't mean a thing to them,even a short phone call or a two minutes chat when you bumped into them anywhere,but it means the world to you.Those little things are what makes you happy,and they can't see that.Have you ever been so heart broken in the past that you told yourself that you never want to depend on anyone anymore but this prick came and changed your life and you just kinda goes along with it.I never asked for this,I never wanted any of this because I promised myself I would never bring myself into this shithole again.I'm not good enough for you and I will never be,am I?My best wasn't enough,I get that. I'm not in for anything at the moment. I shut everyone out,so don't take it personally.And oh yes,if you are still going to be a judgemental prick,I suppose you should go learn to freaking differentiate between attention seeking and a cry for help. Goodnight.