as i create journeys in my head

Hello there, if you're reading this you must be really bored and there's just nothing else to do so you might as well check out what I have to say this time eh? Now,let me tell you something.Some of us,seeks for escape through writing.Evidently,I found writing as a subtle way of expressing. However,things get out of hand once in a while.They would go around asking,why write? Why can't you just speak to people the things that you write about? Why,instead of conveying the message in your writings,wouldn't it be easy to just straight away speak to the person who you are writing about? They thought its that simple. They said,if you want to tell a person something,speak to them,save yourself the time and effort to actually write and in return hoping the person would read and understand what you want to tell them. My dear,I for one,has always noticed that people are much more comfortable with reading something unpleasant rather than hearing it. This is one of my many attempts of being nice. Somewhat like saving them from the trouble of wondering.Hence,if I ever,hurt you in any way,for only able to speak to you through my writings,forgive me for I have put that razor close to your chest while you read those unpleasant words. 

On the other side of things,  I do find myself too indolent to speak.When someone point that out,I don't disagree quite frankly.  But of course,I do talk,quite often even,but not around people who I feel uncomfortable with. Let's just put it this way,I don't find the need to speak of things which I know not of or which I find rather uninteresting. Talking is exhausting, no? I got easily irritated being around people who talks a lot. Tell me how irking it is to be put in a situation where you are obliged to reply to everything a person said in which clearly you have the urge to not speak at all?  The idea is the less I speak,the more I am able to observe myself,or people.Odd,is it not? I became uninterested in speaking as soon as I started writing.I figured the less I speak,the better I think ergo the more I write,of significant things,of better things. Moving on,I've been observing an awful lot .I went out and I observed things.Most of the times lost in a middle of conversation with my friends because my minds choose to observe on my surroundings rather than taking part in their conversation. Often through my observations that I am able to write something . And as long as I can do that, I don't see why I shouldn't. Anyways, I was awaken from sleep last night and I drove away. I observed.The silence in this small town ,the ambience,oh so lovely. This is something I most definitely will hold on to,to be able find beauty in places or faces which people not know of.

However,from time to time,friends warned me about not to over-think things.They have a point though.Because when I think,when my brain function,sometimes I have no control over it. Sometimes when I looked away,observing my surroundings and lost in my own thoughts,people often misinterpreted my action as such as me being sad and depressed boohoo. But the thing is,I am not sad at all. How fascinating it is not,when people easily misinterpreted your act and jump into conclusions. Yes of course when I am observing,I think,sometimes tends to overthink yes I admit this. But you see,there is something so beautiful about being able to think,it's overwhelming and it's unexplainable.

For instance,I love observing people,truth be told.I observed the less fortunate souls.When I looked at these strangers,I tend to compare their life to mine,I sometimes go on a journey in my head when I stop for a moment and imagine if I am in their shoes.It's a lonely experience really.Sometimes when I think as such,I discovered fears and possibilities that I want to avoid,and that is when I told myself I want to do better so I can provide for my loved ones in the very near future. Friends has always feared to see me overthink things and turns all gloomy.Yes ,I observed,I overthink,and I come out with all these possibilities ,one of it is what if I will never be better,what if I ended up as one of the unfortunate souls out there.

That's the idea,I want to be better,not for myself,but for the people that I love. A person said it's all in my head but thing is,its all real.Often times,he understands that I am at war with myself when I overthink,that the best way he can help me with is to ask me to go to sleep,so he can shut my brain from functioning,so he can free my minds from my own thoughts. I'm going to lose it if I am not careful,yes I am aware of that.However,observing and thinking has not bring me to ruin,yet.In a way,it's alluring,yes how could you ignore the beauty of the peaceful appeal when your mind starts wanders off,effortlessly? 

But of course,if I come across horrid possibilities when I am lost in my thoughts,I always try my best to stay afloat,to stay sane,at least. Because when my soul starts wanders off,when I became so oblivious to my surroundings and just think and observe,that is when I feel the most human. I am genuinely okay ,until people ask me am I okay as though I was expected to break down,but to be frank,I am alright,not top-notch but fine. 

But love,fret not if I have fears that I am never going to be better,because that is when I am able to find the strength to push myself forward and stay away from things that is capable of dragging me backward.

What I do know now is that I'm in a place where I hope things gets better for myself,not just for myself,but for the parents .