not this time.

Hello there.it's week three of the semester three. My homesickness has slowly fading away because I was showered with heaps of love from the friends that I have and of course,the ever so charming lover . There were days that I am not okay,where my mind is rotting,self-critical to the point of social paralysis. It is so wrong to be in that state,where everything I do,everything I see is wrong. I got to a point where I thought my sanity was stolen without any hope for restitution. It was not entirely about being homesick though,I've had a fair share of things clogging up my mind too. Let me tell you something,I am sick of everything I have come to stand for.Everything that I assumed as important,and which is significant. Everything that now warrants predetermined.predefined feelings. The socially accepted feelings. What I want out of this vicious environment is just a wee bit of understanding,the acceptance,appreciation, the betterment of mankind. It seems that all of these things stopped in track and is no longer the society's main focus.Honestly if I seemed a lot closed off than before it’s because I am . I couldn't accept the way some people acted towards me and to everyone else too. Some people are being so judgmental and critical over everything .Can I say something? Honestly. People can be a douche in many different ways. We are all douches at some point. Deal with it.The kind of douche you need to watch out for is the person who will never admit it.  They walk around acting like they are superior and they just keep it real.Thinking they know what’s best for other people so they criticize or having something to say about other people so people would just decided to stop growing to be better . These kind of people,they hide behind a facade .They point fingers and pretend to be holy. Darling,we all have a way on masking our terrible self,but not to the extent of fooling everyone into believing that you have never done a wrong thing in your life. I've decided to shut out people who I thought meant the world to me but the funny thing is if they really didn’t they wouldn’t be so negative or cruel to how I feel or am feeling in any situation even if they are looking out for my best interest . To be perfectly honest I’m more than glad to see what a huge difference it is and how much less crappy I feel knowing that I don't have to keep up with their BS anymore.So yes , enough is enough, without saying things to someone or making it known that I am hurting inside because of how they talk or look at me because of my situation . Sometimes I just have to change roads and do what’s best for me and stand up for what I truly deserve even if I lose people along the way .Being depreciated is one of my biggest pet peeves ever.I had a very hard decision to make, and in my mind, I believe I made the right one. I did the best I could to make everyone happy but still make myself feel comfortable. I’m sorry if it’s not what you wanted to hear, but you know what? I always put other people’s feelings before my own. So please excuse the hell out of me for putting my feelings first for once.