People has been asking me,am I really happy. Looking at my situation,they pitied me. They might not say it directly,but it shows. Well,honestly,for once,I truly feel like saying fml,without it being a joke. Somewhere in the back of my mind,somewhere deep down in me,the guilt and rage and memories I built every day under the weight of my pills,down there,is a terror. If it is meant to happen,I'll let it happen,but it will happen anyway,I don't know how I would go on.I am happy with my life because I always believe that for every downside,I still could go on with life.People had been ignoring the abuse written all over ,the signs of what had happened at the hands of who was supposed to be there.You know,black letters on a white screen can make deep scars,unintentional.But I know that I am happier than I'd ever been and actually with someone who made me feel safe.It always seems like there is a downside to everything in life. Nothing can just be flat out good.Every time is hard, I can never get used to it. Those days I have to bite my lip and stay strong.There are times when I don’t understand why I keep on doing it when I feel like I can’t keep doing this anymore.I always say I am doing good,because I am fine. Yes, I use to the word good. Good, one of the plainest words in the dictionary, but sometimes the best way to describe something is just by using the word good. The essence of everything excellent and the mood that tops everything is good. I want to do all that I can and give myself a better chance of getting through to the other stuff later.And if I ever came up with a better way to do something, I wish the parents is proud of me.
They never took credit for that, to the contrary, they championed me.
I often wonder why I keep going on when I'm sure I can't... but we do anyway.... I think we are too tough to give up ♡
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