amour propre

Dear you. Sometimes,I want to stop. Sometimes,I don't want to do it anymore. Sometimes,I want to tell you that I need my space. You told me,to give you your space. You asked me to understand you. You told me to stopped being so attached. But you never really understands. The pressure is ridiculous. One time when I tried to give you your space,I tried to distance myself away from you,I thought you would be happy. I thought you would be proud if i don't depend on you anymore. I tried hard. And you make it look so simple  by making me feel bad ,as if I done the biggest mistake by ignoring you. I was just giving you your space,like you asked me to do. Oh God,why does it have to be so difficult. I made a vow to myself not long ago,to never be the one who people ONLY runs into when they need attention. Because I despise being a back-up plan. Nobody likes that. We're busy. We're caught up in this thing called life. Each and every day,I convinced myself that we need space for our own too. That I should try to at least understand you.I did that,and it backfired. I would ended up feeling bad for not making time for you when I was busy or when I need my own time or when I have so much stuffs to do.I would end up being all messed up.I would be the one who will apologize for not giving you my time.And you make it look so simple ,to made that word 'sorry' being uttered from my mouth. I was just doing what you asked me to do. One thing that I really want to tell you is that,if you told me to stop being so attached I will stop,in fact I already did that. But as soon as I start being my own person,as soon as I start being fine on my own,don't you dare tell me that I am being ignorant. Don't you go around telling me that I can't ignore you. Because you taught me that. You taught me to distance myself from you,and don't you dare drag me back.To be honest,I feel like I am in this alone. Tell me,why am I fighting for this shit alone.