Life doesn't fit into boxes.

Please excuse my absence. I've been very caught up with my finals .Life doesn't fit into boxes.This is my thinly veiled excuse for not keeping my blogging schedule.  Still, it’s true.  I set goals for myself and I put them on a schedule.There are deadlines to be kept and also times to be flexible. And only when flexible time are available that I can drag my ass to actually write something.Now now ,the recent final exam has taught me a lot. I've been trying to adjust my goals accordingly. I tried to figure out what went wrong,why was it that I was not capable to achieve my goals during my previous two semesters. When it comes to study,I usually gets frustrated about my lack of resolve and personal ambition. When I stepped in my semester three,I made a vow to myself that I am going to change my game,that this time,I will play differently.But there is something I need to tell you,life doesn't fit into neat boxes to be organized by size, shape and colour.  We strive to set priorities, but sometimes priorities compete.  But I learnt that,as long as we maintain those priorities and come back to our core day after day, the most important things will get done. Semester three taught me a lot. I learnt that sometimes I need rest over strenuous activity. Sometimes I realize I need togetherness over productivity. Sometimes I need sleep over accomplishing an item on a to-do list. I figured that the things I planned to do from the very beginning,some are rarely found on a list of actions, but they should not be ignored or diminished.  And there are activities to be honoured and respected. I believed that I have given my very best for the exam,and if my best isn't enough,I will be fine,I know I will be fine.

I want to tell you something. Yesterday,I had an unbelievably life changing discussion with my siblings.When I was a kid, my siblings and I have been butting heads most of the times, and neither of us were understanding each others perspectives on what is currently happening in our life.However,as we grow up,I feel tremendously closer to them and have a full understanding and respect for their outlooks. The siblings and I are only meeting each other during semester break,since all of us are going to different university. And once we got together,there are a lot to tell them,like I can finally spill out everything I've been keeping to myself within for the past few months of being away from home.I can’t describe how relieving and fulfilling it was.Being the second child and the second one to go to college, I never had to experience the feeling of my house getting emptier as my siblings left for college. My little sister shared with me her stories,of seeing everyone leaving the house,and of how she cope with the loneliness.And it hit me.For her,she thinks that this must be what it will be like when she leaves for college soon,this must be how mom and dad would feel. Life here keeps moving on,I made sure she knows this. Now, to escalate things quickly, and perhaps somewhat morbidly, this really makes me feel for people who have lost their siblings. I’m thinking about this because about three years ago, a very close friend of mine passed away. While it was a tragedy and devastating loss for everyone who knew him, the perspective of his sister has really resonated with me. I can’t imagine what his sister must have felt, and have been feeling since, to go from having a brother to being the only child left. Seeing all the spaces he used to fill at home be empty,knowing he will never come back. See, that’s where the sadness starts kicking in for me.I learnt to appreciate people while they're still around. 

The life changing conversations I had with them last night,let me share it with you . Every person is set in our own ways,bound by our perspectives and stuck in our thinking,we all know that.We all view the world from different perspectives. That night when we talked,when we shared our different perspectives that I realized, the ones who look through the keyholes are the ones who will get the idea of how the keyhole is shaped.I had a chance to asked my brother,why is it that he is not saddened by a separation or why is it that he is capable of putting up a happy face all the time.I asked him,how do he makes things easier for him,and he answered , "you just got to be positive,at all times,in all situations,no matter what,stay positive." I learnt from him that life is what you make of it, no matter what happens to you or around you, you control how you act upon every single thing.  And then I turned to my older sister,who is an opportunist,who grabs every opportunities that comes her way,she told me that there is no time like  now.She told me to make everyday as good as it possibly can, because you are in control of it, and you will never have this day ever again. Time is going to pass whether you use it wisely or not. Nothing is stopping you, you are in your own way more than anything or anybody else is. Any obstacle is an opportunity to make something extraordinary out of yourself, and come out of it stronger than you were before.

I have always know that to drive away the negativity,you need to stay sane.But what they told me that night ,I figured that the key to life is mind over matter and perspective. What you think, you become. If you curve your mind to think positively, you become positive, good things will come to you.If you think negatively, you will live a negative life and only negative things will come to you.  One more thing,you cannot live life without good and bad, you need the balance. You need bad to appreciate the good, the hard times define how you spend your good times, and vice versa.

I learnt all of this in one night talking with them.

The sibling bond is just so fascinating. Admittedly, I never spent time with them for any longer than two months, but I still feel like no other friendship or relationship will ever be more important or stronger than the bond I have with my brother and sisters.